The Series 50 XM Fetal Monitor

This is the device that Kristina is hooked up to two to three times a day and measures the babies’ heartbeats. Given that we live in the 21st century I find the technical marvelous-ness of it, well, disappointing. I figured the doctor would just shoot some micro gnomes in the uterus and be done with it. The gnomes would have their teeny tiny stethoscopes and their micro laptop computers and they would just do the monitoring and send the results wirelessly. It seems like Starbucks would certainly be sponsoring such micro gnome research since Starbucks could then setup a little micro coffee store in utero, because I’m sure the gnomes would have a tough time staying awake with the nonstop monitoring and all. But nay, such technology is not implemented at our hospital and instead we are stuck with this device.

The device can be seen here (though this looks like a newer model then anything I’ve seen): http://www.medical.philips.com/main/products/patient_monitoring/products/series50xm/index.html. The machine works through ultrasound, not even some fancy laser technology (collect all 6 machines and you can make Ultra-Mega-Mega-Sound). The actual monitors (one for each kiddo) that are placed on Kristina are palm (no not Palm™) sized discs. If not medical micro gnomes, then surely you just plop these discs down on a pregnant woman’s belly and they search around using little mechanical legs and find the heartbeats by themselves, right? No, it’s a manual process for the nurses to try and feel their way around to find the heartbeat. And to my dismay once the heartbeats are found it’s not like the discs suction into place and hone in on the heartbeats. They are strapped down by Velcro straps and if that is not sufficient, I am not kidding, a system of washcloths is used in conjunction with the straps to keep the discs in place. By the way, the device knows it has found a heartbeat when the ultrasound, uh, sounds like a horse galloping. So now the heartbeats are found the discs are strapped in. Just walk away and relax, because the monitor must, I mean absolutely must have a little bit of range to account for small baby movements or small movements from where they are strapped in. It’s not like finding a needle in a haystack. It’s more like finding a heartbeat in a fetus that is surrounded by amniotic fluid. Sadly, no. Any slight movement from the kiddo or the disc and the heartbeat is lost.

And this is why I spent 20 minutes holding a palm sized disc on Kristina’s belly. I’m actually happy to help out Kristina and I suppose I should be grateful that such a device even exists so that the kiddos can be monitored. Still, I will only be around a small fraction of the time when Kristina is monitored, so it would be nice if the tiny gnomes and Starbucks would settle their dispute with the medical community so everyone could get back to work.

BLOG NOTE: I have removed the restriction that you need to be a member of blogspot.com in order to leave a comment. Officially the reason for this change is that I don’t care who leaves a comment. It would be nice if you are not a member to at least mention who you are if you do leave a comment. Unofficially, Kristina is getting a ton more comments than I am and I hope to boost my numbers by taking off this restriction.